The Journey of Forgiveness
Tote featuring “Forgiveness”.
Years ago, my marriage was in shambles. Married at the tender age of 17, I had brought so much baggage into the marriage from my dysfunctional and abusive home. The marriage hardly stood a chance. My husband had grown up in a good home. It was peaceful, but unfortunately, my home life was nothing short of a nightmare. It shaped my world. It was all I knew in life.
We had found God early on in our marriage and we truly tried to get serious about church attendance, and living a godly life, but it seems everything was against us. Our marriage was deteriorating quickly and things seemed hopeless. Many mistakes made added to my already shipwrecked history. I often blamed myself and felt I was a total failure.
In our late 20’s, when things were bleak, is when God stepped in! I would say it was because we finally allowed Him to step in. And so we started our journey of healing in 1999.
With already a decade of marriage behind us, we set out on a journey to make this marriage right. Reading dozens of books on what a godly marriage should be like, with nightly devotions, and putting into practice all that we had learned and felt from the Lord to do, things began to change!
Searching the Word of God we found a healing balm. It was just like it says in Ephesians 5:26 NKJV, “that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word…” Steve brought the Word into our marriage and the Word was washing me and making me pure. God showed me that I needed to heal from the abuse I received as a child. He showed me something that I call, “1-2-3 Let Go.”
Many days I would get flashbacks of the traumatic experiences of my childhood. I would take that one memory or flashback and do a motion of taking the memory from my heart and imagine placing that memory into my hand. I would forgive the one who abused me in that one moment (1). I would forgive myself (2), because I often blamed myself for putting myself, even as a young child, in the wrong place and at the wrong time. Then I would forgive God (3), because I often blamed Him for allowing it to happen. (I was forgiving and releasing blame.). I and definitely understand now that God was not at fault, but He knows my heart. Then I would take that memory and forgiveness and lift it up into the air towards heaven and open it and “let go!” I must have done this act 1000 times.
Months later, I noticed the change. I noticed that the pain I felt from the memories the abuse didn’t hurt anymore. The more I did the process, the memories were painless.
It’s been over 20 years now and I am such a different person than I was back then. It has been an amazing journey of healing.
One of the most significant things that happened to me back in 1999 during the healing process, I found out I was an artist. I had not known this fact prior to my forgiveness journey. One day I was doodling on a napkin in a restaurant when Steve noticed it and said, “I think you’re an artist.” He encouraged me by buying the best art supplies. Each time I tried one medium, he took me and bought colored pencils, then acrylic paints, and then oils and now drawing on an iPad too. There is no other way to describe my journey of art then that it has come from the journey of forgiveness, my husband, and a God who helped me through it all.
Above you see my lavender rose I created on my iPad drawing freehand. I titled it, “Forgiveness.”
I hope that this story has brought you hope. I personally hope that you will find forgiveness in your life. God is waiting with open arms to help those who truly want healing from the wounds of yesterday.
Everyday I am reminded of his healing touch and I continue to use 1-2-3 Let Go!
